“We can’t go over it, we can’t go under it”

“We can’t go over it, we can’t go under it”

“We can’t go over it, we can’t go under it”

“Oh no, we have to go through it.” 

Are you afraid?

2015 was a shit show for our family. 

My mom was seriously ill, and that affected every aspect of our lives. At the same time, oil field jobs were scarce, and to get by, Ryan had four different jobs in one year. 

After we made it through that year, life felt easy in a way it hadn’t before. Waking up, enjoying a hot cup of coffee, playing with my kids, being with Ryan, cooking meals together, eating good food, going on walks, sunshine pouring through the windows, hot showers, laughing, every moment of it felt luxurious. I didn’t take any of it for granted, and I came to understand that the silver lining to all sorrow is learning to appreciate the extreme beauty in an ordinary life.

For a while, life was easy. We had challenges, but they felt small. Bills could be paid without struggling, we had good health, we grew our family. 

When life was easy for us,  a part of me felt like I was waiting for something terrible to hit. It felt too good to be true that life could be smooth and easy for long. 

Things shifted last August when Ryans step brother passed away. A few months later, his Grandma passed. Around the time that Grandma has passed, I had found a lump in my breast. I had it checked out by a Midwife who sent me to get an ultrasound, who sent me to get a mammogram, who sent me to get a biopsy, who sent it to pathology!

For a few months, I really thought I could have cancer. 

Plus, Australia was on fire and WWIII was supposedly starting. 

Something I feared the most, was possibly in my body, and there was no escaping it. Everything in the outside world seemed scary, and so did everything inside my world. 

One night when I was lying awake with my anxiety, I thought of the chant from a beloved children’s book. 

“We can’t go over it, we can’t go under it. Oh no, we have to go through it!”

 There is no running or hiding from trials life throws at you, you cannot skip over them or under them you have to go through it. Life is a damn bear hunt. 

As I prepared for my biopsy, Ryan said to me “whatever happens, we will get through this, then we will brace for the next thing”.

The next thing? Is that really what our life has become, always bracing for impact?

Well pathology results came back stating I had a xanthogranuloma (say that 10 times fast) and it was harmless.

WAH FREAKING HOOOOOOO!!!

It rained in Australia, and by the end of February, I was finally looking forward to what 2020 had in store. 

Wanna guess what happened next? Go ahead, guess! 

Okay, here is a hint:

Pandemic. Quarantine. Stock market crash. Jobless. 

Yaaaaaaaay. 

Okay, so… maybe we are getting through one thing and bracing for the next after all! But, I am at peace. Just because there is struggle, does not mean that ordinary, everyday beauty is gone. In fact, because of these events, we are treasuring more family time together than we have had in years. We have been given the opportunity to reinvent our lives, again. We have luxurious moments every day; good food, great health, safe home, family cuddles, new traditions, little explorations and big adventures. We are so blessed. 

We’re going on a bear hunt. 

I am not afraid. 

cheers

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