Missing My Mom
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It’s A Boy!

It’s A Boy!

It’s A Boy!

In the days leading up to our ultrasound & gender reveal, I thought a lot about how gender would be no indication of this child’s personality, or what our life with him or her would be like. Six years ago, I never imagined having a spider-man fanning, monster loving, spooky seeking, intensely strong willed daughter. But that’s what I’ve got, and I wouldn’t change her for the world. Who would this little person be? I wouldn’t know for awhile yet.

Our excitement built as we got closer to having our first glimpse of this little one that we watched growing and felt moving around for a few weeks now.

Two girls would be fun, I thought, at least we kind of knew what to do with girls. A boy would certainly change road trip potty breaks, and maybe I could experience the mommy and son bond that everyone talks about. It’s pretty clear that Daddy is Mia’s favorite parent for most occasions, and I’ve accepted that. I’ll always be the lady with the snacks!

But there was one other thing..

The day I got the call that it was time to say goodbye to my mom, I almost doubted if it was true. For months, we had been told by friend and medical professionals, that “it wouldn’t be much longer”. But she held on, she kept fighting. She was only a shadow of the person I had known my whole life. ¬†Many nights I woke up in a panic, scared that she had passed in the night and she had been alone. Or worse, that we would wake up to another day in hell. Another day of her slowly regressing, another day of us standing by helplessly, another day closer to her pain filled death. It’s hard to imagine a disease so ugly that death becomes the hope for peace and relief. But sadly, many such diseases ¬†plague this earth.

So I called to say goodbye. I knew how important it was to her for her grand baby to know her, I promised we would speak of her everyday. I told her I would miss her everyday, and thanked her for helping shape me into the woman I am, and for being a wonderful mother. I said I love you, because sometimes those three words have to be enough for everything else left unsaid. She struggled to get out any words, I heard her fighting hard to whisper an “I love you”.

And that was it, moments later she was unresponsive.

But I thought of one last request. I texted my sister who was sitting next to my mom, and asked her to tell my mom to go up to heaven and pick out a baby boy for Ryan & I. My sister said she wasn’t sure if she heard because she could not respond, but she wasn’t gone yet, and I think she heard.

Having a boy feels so complete and satisfying. I like to imagine, even if it’s silly, that my mom has met this little one, and knew he was just the right person to complete our family. It’s easier to imagine that than to imagine having a son that my moms never met.

 

Here is our sweet boy….

Complete with his big sisters button nose. I guess that’s the Angenend trademark.

And confirmation of his gender. Also, hopefully the last ever crotch shot of his that’s on the internet.

We love you so insanely much already you dear little one.We can’t wait to get to know who you are. <3

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